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Apparently I do not know when someone is flirting....

Hi everyone! I'm Jess, 47, came out like 5 years ago. I have a daughter turning 17 this month (Sept). I have been sober 9 years. Was married for about 6 years but I didn't leave b/c I knew I was gay at the time...he was just a jerk :D I live near Charleston SC. 😎

So anyhow...I have had 2 girlfriends. I ended both of those b/c things were not moving forward. I was trying to grow and learn and it was not reciprocated (IMO). So I was trying to date again. Apparently my flirting detector is busted.

I really thought a woman at work was flirting with me. I won't get into the details b/c it is so embarrassing (let's say LinkedIn was involved!!) and it turns out she is very married and her wife is like a gorgeous super model type. They are a lovely happy couple.…

43 Views

14 oct

You handled that really well. The fact that she didn't say anything about her girlfriend at the start of your texting each other was an act of deception by omission. You were right to find that confusing and you shouldn't doubt your flirt radar from this experience.

Alyson Woodyard

27 days ago

Unsure of what I want.

I have been married to a man for 8 years (Tuesday is my wedding anniversary) and we have one amazing little girl. Our marriage has been mostly good, but intimacy has been a problem since day one. He was abused as a kid in almost every way possible and has a hard time with both sex and conflict (he goes into trauma brain and my wonderful, thoughtful husband becomes emotionally manipulative, defensive, and reactionary). I have felt rejected a lot in this marriage because of it. This set the backdrop of unfulfillment and I fell for my best friend (it was unrequited- she is straight) but it opened my eyes to the fact that I am attracted to women both sexually and romantically.

I am now at a point that I am so frustrated with my husband (who I still love deeply, even if it isn't romantic anymore). When I…

37 Views

MandyAttaway

14 oct

Hey Alyson- no kids here but married to a man for a decade with similar feelings related to inconsistent intimacy/sex. I still had a lot of love for him when I made the decision to divorce him and again, similarly to you, I also fell for a friend who had fallen for me as well. With that being said, I agree with Lauryn and have heard much of the same regarding marriages of convenience. I also want to tell you that you don't have to be in a place where you loathe your spouse for divorce to be the right option based on my own personal experience. I just knew that the reality of my situation was things wouldn't change as there was 10 years of history to support that and that I wanted (and quite frankly deserved) more. Now, what was right for me most certainly may not be right for you and there are so many ways this could look- maybe an open relationship, maybe an agreement for you to explore this part of yourself, endless options. I know for myself I was very afraid of and struggled with hurting my ex husband and what his life would look like when I left... but ultimately, I gave him 10 years to address well documented and discussed issues with very little to no consistent change so I chose me. In the end, his happiness and future after the marriage is his responsibility... not that you can't be empathetic. I checked on my ex husband regularly for many years after we first split and thankfully he took the steps to heal himself and move forward and I truly believe we are both better for it. I sincerely wish you goodluck and nothing but happiness!

2023.m.sarai

27 days ago

Break ups

2 weeks into my first real wlw breakup. We were together over 3 years, I thought we were building a life together, then everything fell apart quickly over 1 month. I know we arent right for each other, I know splitting up was the right choice. So why does it hurt so much? And why am I so scared about the future?

25 Views

2023.m.sarai

14 oct

I appreciate your kind words so very much.

August 25, 2025

Reaching out

I've been pondering posting on this site for a long time now. The podcast has been helpful as I've navigated my marital separation over the past year. I appreciate that Ali and Melisa speak lovingly about their former husbands on their podcast episodes and the painful journeys they went through as their marriages ended. I have found divorce to be super sad and lonely, with lots of highs and lows.

My marriage ended because of my husband's drinking and other habits. We just could not make it work, not because I wanted to marry someone else or pursue anyone else. He's the only person I ever truly felt passionately about, mind, body, and soul. His gender was irrelevant, if that makes sense. I am not ready for dating as I'm still processing and learning so much about myself. That said, if I ever were to explore a relationship again, I…

120 Views

d.gallaher2

26 ago

Thank you for your courage to post! I don’t have any words of experience but I can tell you that you are not alone. Although I have been divorced for many years I have not been with a woman. I have family near and love that but agree it’s not the same as having a person. My dog helps tremendously. I am practicing to learn to get out and try new things even if it’s alone. I have also found a work shop in my area for women coming out later in life.

Stay hopeful :)

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