I apologize for such a delayed response. I’m so glad sharing my inner thoughts were helpful to you. I also was not on the hormonal train that our peers were. I told myself I was more mature. I am drawn to older souls, that’s for sure. Who you love or are attracted to is totally valid! I’ve never been with a woman, but inside I know I am bisexual. I’m just kinda grieving that I’ll likely never get to have that experience. The choices we make and even more importantly, the societal, family, (and religiois for some) expectations sewn in from young… it’s a lot to weed through. Fully out queer folks, God bless you. It’s a segment of society I trust the most as what the heck is there to hide after that? May we all find the paths that allow our most full human expression. Does your husband know you are bisexual? I’ve never fully stated it that way to mine.

I don’t think life is going to allow us to be together fully the way I wish it could be. I have incredible love and respect for her & I don’t believe she could let herself pursue anything with me. It’s actually incredibly complicated. I’ve taken what I’ve learned that I love and appreciate in her so much & am trying to provide it & see it in myself… and improve my relationship with my husband. I absolutely have a one-sided sexual bond with her that I just live and explore privately. I can’t rip my life up. My husband & I at this point are really good partners and I credit my bond with this woman as the catalyst to grow myself, advocate for my needs with my husband, and grow him, too. There is a significant age difference with her and the reality I feel is that someday my husband and I will take care of her, should there be a need & she want that. It’s a trusting, wholesome, soulfull bond above all. Thanks for asking!

Thank you for thoughtfully sharing your story! The catalyst part is really important. She is the reason I would change it all… it’s hard to imagine a stronger pull towards someone else. I have to be really in love to be intimidate - that I know - and I’ve never felt that way toward any woman in particular. It’s not sexy to talk about how hard the reality of making this change in life is - so thank you Katie for sharing what you learned & rooting that a bit! This is KINDNESS. Also, your grasp at how temporary life is. It is. It sounds like things are improving for you! Thank you again for generously sharing!

Yes, a real thought for some. Counseling is correct (for his deeper beliefs and affects from his mom). Couseling was a stipulation of mine a year ago to stay. When I am ready to go deeper, he will join me. I started a business and it’s just too intense to add another thing right now. He’s shown tremendous awareness & improvement through the last year - it’s me who needs counseling to lose the (internal only) resentment… though, I’ve been improving in that area. What I didn’t share is he’s incredibly masculine. We’ve actually had conversations about orientation. He knows I’m attracted to women - which makes a pretty fun time for him. He has no attraction to men. Thanks for the perspectives!

Thank you. I think about this! It’s really risky with her. …At some point, I may have to just respectfully express to her & ask her - time may tell, too. It is extraordinarily hard to know if the situation between us is meant to grow me in the life I am in - and she in hers… while having this wonderful non-romantic relationship - or could it ever be the full deal? A whole lot in both our lives would have to change and long-term commitments. She’s not the type to bail… but her relationship isn’t so healthy, either. Thank you for reading & commenting.

Lauren, THANK YOU for sharing your story and wisdom so honestly and sincerely. I read Untamed a few years ago (which I should revisit) & am listening to Perfectly Queer on Audible right now. Thank you for the other resources! I appreciate you sharing your lived experience & advice. It’s real life. My moral wall would fall way before hers & to even share the thought with her would be extraordinarily risky. It’s almost like she’s “a safe person” because I know I can’t cross the line with her. What she’s taught me - is what I’ve been missing in my relationship… both in behavior and utter love & attraction from deep. I think the concepts of taking time to sort, clarify, heal, reset, question… are all good advice. Thank you!!

I connect with your delightful long-windedness! The story matters! (See what I did there?) I LOVE Brandi Carlile & also we share the exact. same. birthdate. I got to see her twice last year - both solo sessions. I look forward to an experience like the one you had!