It was a book about introverts. I think I got excited about another book and shelved it. Which can happen cause I get excited about books easily. But it was really good.

Random addition, but I started reading a book called "Quiet" years ago. I didn't get more than maybe 1/4 of the way through it. But I recall the author talking about the phenomenon of early self help books back in the 50's and 60's maybe, where it became a big deal and was pushed on people to be really social, extroverted, and charismatic as a way of making friends and business connections. That has carried through in our culture today. When really, I think most people are not naturally like that. Some, but not most. It might be worth a read.

Hey there. Just wanted to offer some support. It's really intimidating going to Meetups. Definitely pat yourself on the back for doing so. It's uncomfortable and awkward. I've met some great connections that way, but also there's a lot of people you end up meeting that are just not going to be your cup of tea no matter how you slice it. I would imagine it is really tricky since you don't drink. Yes, lots of Meetups involve alcohol. You are still worth finding support and community. Because I can guarantee there are lots of sober lesbians out there. I also am not active on FB/Insta or social media in general. I've still connected with others in person, asked for their number and kept in touch. So it's possible. Your people are out there. Don't give up! Sometimes it can even start with just one good person you meet, and they help open up other connections to you effortlessly.

Hi Amy! Thank you! For the update on this post of mine...this woman and I dated and, well....just broke up. For a couple reasons, but...it was a beautiful albeit short relationship. I did fall in love with this woman, and we had of course a stereotypical lesbian relationship where we spent days on end together and moved quickly in a short period of time. I ended up moving away from the city we both lived in together. I miss her terribly. But I hope everyone who reads my story just goes out and pursues EXACTLY who and what they want in life. Because life is short and we must grab its sweetness while we can! It's worth it, even when it hurts. Good luck!!

Amen! Yes, strength in vulnerability. I think most worthy, good things in life come from that place. As terrifying as it can be. To have Courage, that is the ultimate value to strive for every day.

I am completely reinventing myself from the ground up, from the inside out. It all started with coming out. I am single now sans my Catalyst and a bit terrified, I am leaving a job I've had for 6 years to figure out what actually makes me happy. I am reinventing my body and my relationship with it. Reinvention is wildly difficult. There is no map. It's fumbling around in the dark, throwing darts at a board, hoping something sticks or finally feels like "it" (whatever "it" is). I am relentlessly seeking new community where I live because it's vital to find other people who can look at you and say, "I know what you mean". Thanks for your post. I hope everyone who joins this forum is brave enough to follow their hearts, find their loves, and build their community.

Thank you!

Of course, good luck!!

Hi! Just wanted to say I relate in that my ex husband has a very developed feminine side. It always confused me. Even though I loved him. I found myself showing more androgyny in dressing and being more masculine in energy to counter balance it, even though I believe my core energy is feminine. Now that I'm out, I really have enjoyed coming back to wearing softer clothing, a little jewelry, makeup, and my hair down. In hopes a more soft masc woman finds that beautiful. Because I like it and it's how I feel beautiful! Anyways, that's not what you're mostly writing about.... I would say as someone who had a Catalyst and mainly left because of her, I would recommend if you leave don't do it for her. Do it for your marriage. Keep it about you and your husband and your truth. I wish I could go back in time and re-do so many of my mistakes. I allowed my catalyst to manipulate and influence me into saying and doing things out of character for me. My now ex husband has fully forgiven me, but I did turn into a person he didn't recognize. There's no way around it: divorce is hell. I say this in the most supportive manner possible. I truly wish you well and glad you also found this forum. But I wish I knew how hard life would be before I left. Doesn't change that my marriage had to end, and that I'm gay. But, I've never hard 2 harder years in my whole life than the last 2. I'm still coming to terms with some of the mess I made. Life is getting SO MUCH BETTER, but damn it's the rockiest road to get there. Just find support around you. Truly find your people because you're going to need them. I didn't have much support, and I felt it left me teetering on the edge of severely unhealthy mental illness and suffering for longer than was necessary. You do deserve to live as a gay woman if that is what you feel. I lost both my parents by the time I was 37. It leaves me with a sense of urgency every single day of how fleeting life can be, and how time is significant. Don't spend that time unintentionally, or even in fear. Press forward into your truth.

Numb...100% yes. But that is emotion. I've felt extreme anger, frustration, deep grief, numb, elated, joyful, ecstatic...all in the same week or sometimes day! I would say just accept that right now you feel numb. Emotions are just signals to us...so I'm sure you will start feeling other emotions soon that are signaling you to something else coming up. But its also ok to just BE numb for as long as that's what your nervous system needs. Wishing you well...

Thank you! Roller coaster is an accurate description. Just grateful I'm not alone, and that other women know what this is like!

That is so kind, thank you!! I do believe there are lots of lesbians in Colorado. Ha! I actually considered leaving the state for awhile, but think I will stay for another year or so because this is a pretty good place to be gay :)