I've been pondering posting on this site for a long time now. The podcast has been helpful as I've navigated my marital separation over the past year. I appreciate that Ali and Melisa speak lovingly about their former husbands on their podcast episodes and the painful journeys they went through as their marriages ended. I have found divorce to be super sad and lonely, with lots of highs and lows.
My marriage ended because of my husband's drinking and other habits. We just could not make it work, not because I wanted to marry someone else or pursue anyone else. He's the only person I ever truly felt passionately about, mind, body, and soul. His gender was irrelevant, if that makes sense. I am not ready for dating as I'm still processing and learning so much about myself. That said, if I ever were to explore a relationship again, I don't think I would seek out a relationship with a man. I have always found women attractive, but never had the opportunity to explore a relationship with women.
I retired and moved away from where we lived, so I don't have any close friends in my new location. I have family close by, which is a blessing but can be challenging. I miss the intellectual camaraderie of my primary relationship and also my work friendships.
I'm grateful for my companionships with animals and I would like to cultivate friendships with fellow animal lovers who are likewise going through the changes of life -- asking all the questions we begin to ask ourselves as we look back on the first 50 years: Who am I? What am I? Where would I like to go in the future?
So that's why I'm posting. I just want a place where I can ask these questions and maybe hear some hopeful words from those who have gone before me and can tell me this gets better. This part is just really hard - grieving the old life and not quite sure where the new one is headed.
Thanks for listening!
Thank you for your courage to post! I don’t have any words of experience but I can tell you that you are not alone. Although I have been divorced for many years I have not been with a woman. I have family near and love that but agree it’s not the same as having a person. My dog helps tremendously. I am practicing to learn to get out and try new things even if it’s alone. I have also found a work shop in my area for women coming out later in life.
Stay hopeful :)
So eloquently said. You are taking an amazing step just writing this down! I recall (alli) missing my old "safe" life, and sometimes still do (much less frequently). It takes time to establish new friendships, community. When you're ready, go to our Instagram and add your city on the map (pinned at top) and look through to see if others closeby. Also, just focus now on filling yourself up with the things that bring you joy while you heal (animals, etc). For me, it was getting coffee and sitting at a bookstore reading. Running. Walking the dog with a goal of starting to meet my new neighbors. It got easier and easier. Till finally, I realized how happy I felt in my new normal :). You will too!! I promise I'm right. Community comes and starts to fill you up in different ways. We see people at Gay events here in Atlanta that come all by themselves and I always think it's so BADASS COOL. Maybe there are some events closeby? Anyway, sending you huge postive energy and so encouraging that you wrote here! Also we have great community on INstagram. Love that you shared this!
It does get better. Of that I can assure you. It took courage for you to finally post something here and way to go! I have not been in your shoes as I am a long-time woman who loves women. However I am also in my 50s and still figuring out life. Nonetheless I know this: it does get better. There is hope and peace and contentment as you grow older and get to know yourself better. Bonus that you have and love non-human animals too - they can indeed be some of the best companionship in life. I trust others who have walked in shoes similar to yours will respond too. And hey, I am so glad Lesbian Chronicles Podcast has helped you so much ... take a look at the upcoming Seattle Meet-Up. No pressure event. In the meantime, take good care.