I see stories posted of ladies coming out late, in their '30s. I'm 60, I came out about 3 years ago. I still feel like a baby gay. Even through the last 3 years I feel like there's things I should have done differently and wish I did. I truly wish I had someone to talk with early on. I just ended my second relationship with a woman and it is so hard. I did jump from the first relationship to the second, which was a huge mistake. I should have taken time for myself, to figure things out., to figure myself out.. Is anyone out there around my age and found themselves in a similar situation? I have no community where I live and feel so alone at times. I want to do it right this time and figure out what I want and need first so I can be there for me and my future partner.
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Hello Terrie. I am around your age but not in your similar situation. I am content to be single. I write because I want you to know that you are not alone ... you may feel like it but there are many, many others of us who feel alone but know we are not alone. Actually just looking around this site at the stories of others will hopefully show you that we are out here. How are you doing today?
Terrie, thank you for sharing this! We get so many emails from women in 50s/60s and even early 70s. Brilliant to take time for yourself. I’m sorry the relationship ended. Community is so important and to focus on that will help you learn more about yourself and what/why you want. I’ve had to ask myself the same..many times. You are already doing and taking the right steps. This forum built just for people like you (and me) and Melisa and so many others. It’ll get easier.
Thank you for sharing your story and for the encouraging words. I see a lot of similarities. Keep me posted on your meet up if started. I am searching for a counselor in my area that can relate, it is challenging... I'll continue my search. Keep in touch.
Hi Terri! I came out four years ago at 62. I got divorced over two years ago after a long marriage. I was serving as a pastor in a denomination where I had to stay hidden. I retired this past August which allows me to be open. I moved to a city that is progressive, but it’s still challenging trying to find community. I’m thinking of forming my own meet up to see if it opens the door to meeting new people. I’ve dated two women. The ending of the first relationship was incredibly painful. The second recently ended. That also was hard. I agree with the other posts, therapy provides a place to reflect on what you want. Look for ways to take good care of yourself. One of the ways I’m caring for myself is by working out at the Y. Be proud of yourself for sharing your post with us. In a small way it’s the beginning of finding the community you want.
Hi, Terrie! I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. Taking time I think is so important. But the the good thing about getting older is that we learn from our mistakes :-). Get to know yourself again. I am just out. To myself. Just the last year. 54. Still married, which at this point I think might be a good thing. Keep me out of trouble so to speak. When the whole thing came crashing down I have never been happier, I have never felt happier, I am totally in love with life. It is good that I am tied down. I can't date, I can't go out and do certain things. I am taking this time to enjoy my "transformation" for a lack of a better term. I did however very quickly start therapy. I have never had therapy, never needed it, but this was different. I needed someone to listen to my wild story. I would very much suggest you find someone to talk to. Through my sessions, I have already learned so much about myself. My past, and what I want and need for the future. I am no longer 20. I need to make better decisions for myself. It is never to late to make changes. Start taking care of yourself. You time. Someone suggested yoga. Try it. You might love it! Try meditation. It isn't hocus pocus. Reading, exercise, walks, anything you enjoy. Reading, cooking. Find things that you enjoy and enjoy them. I also joined a meetup. Not dating, but to meet new friends. And you never know. Whatever your interests are, try a meetup. Volunteering. Just to meet other people. I wish you the very best and I would love to lend an ear if I could. I can relate to the feeling of being alone. It isn't easy, But it also isn't impossible.
Thank you for sharing your story and the advice. I truly appreciate it. I'm sorry about your recent heartbreak. Best wishes to you as well!
I'm 52 and came out at 47. Being newly out and dating at this stage in life is very different for sure. Most people are coupled already and have been for some time. My gay friends are all coupled. So I hear you on the loneliness part. I did take time between my marriage and dating (6ish years)to get comfortable with being alone and that really helps. But I recently went through a gut wrenching breakup and that part feels the same as when I was younger. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't feel as horrible just because I was older and ok with solitary existence...but it is just as hard. One thing that has helped me is being in school. Are there any local classes you could take? Even for hobbies or fun? Yoga classes? Something where there are groups of people that you could get to know? And therapy is always good for sorting out what you need/want and how to move toward it. :) Best wishes to you!