You just might get what you want!

Hey all -

This really isn't a Q & A, and I know this forum isn't overly active. But I just wanted to share a story from the last week that might help someone out there who needs a little boost of confidence.

I've been single - from my catalyst - for awhile. Sadly my catalyst has decided to just go no contact with me over the last month, which was hard. Not because I want to be with her, but she was like my main human for almost 2 years and now it's crickets. I've decided this might be the best thing for me though.

There's a woman who lives in my apt complex, in my building to be exact. I spotted her last year very intermittently. She's obviously gay. Very cute (adorable to be exact). But I typically didn't see her much because I was fully focused on my catalyst and I didn't spend a ton of weekends at my place. Well, I kept seeing this woman frequently over the last month ++. Out on walks, at the gym, in the parking lot. She'd nod at me, I'd say hi. Nothing would come of it. Well, one day I decided that it was ridiculous not to try and talk to her somehow. So I did a wild thing: I left a note on her truck introducing myself. It was lighthearted, but I made it known that I had interest and that if she ever wanted to go on a walk with me, I would love her company.

She responded the night she got it...she text me and said she'd love to go on a walk. And 5 days later we went on an 80 min walk. It was awesome! I was nervous the entire time, because it almost felt like a blind date. Yes, I have a crush on her. But she made it clear she is recovering from a divorce herself (she's been out for 15+ years, so she was married to a woman) and is not in a place to date. She also was married to a man over 20 years ago, so she offered me tons of compassion for the bravery it takes to leave a hetero marriage to follow your truth. She insinuated she might not be open to dating baby gays in general. I respect that. But, she was lovely. She was more welcoming to me to "the community" than my catalyst ever was. She was supportive, encouraging, and not patronizing. Listened, asked questions, opened up about her life, asked about mine, etc. The next day she caught me in our parking lot and we chatted for another 15 min. Texted later that night. Yeah, my crush on her isn't going away even though I'm pretty much in the friend zone. But, that is not the moral of the story. :)

For those of you who are also feeling odd or unsure about how to approach another gay woman or pursue interest: JUST DO IT. It's not nearly as scary as you think it will be. She had no idea I was gay (she's soft masc, I'm femme and look straight as hell). And she admitted to being so preoccupied and not used to women hitting on her for so long that she was oblivious to me. But, I now have a new acquaintance, hopefully future friend. She's VERY well connected to the community in my area. I didn't pursue her for connections, I just had an honest interest in her. And while I admit I do hope over time it goes somewhere, the point is to not be afraid to talk to that person. Express interest. Ask them out. Put yourself out there anyway you can. The right people might just show up! Life will surprise you. Other lesbians aren't as scary as you imagine (I am usually intimidated by them, especially those who've been out for a long time).

I know it's hard for us late bloomers to navigate this new world, but it's a beautiful journey. All the ups and the downs. It's worth it. If anyone else has stories to share about pursuing or approaching women, please leave them below! We're all trained to be pursued by men our whole lives, that this is a foreign skill we have to develop and get comfortable with.

All the best!