My story is a bit different from most and may not get the popularity vote. I came out in 2014 to my husband after knowing for a long time that I was attracted to women. I, like many grew up in a very Catholic household raised solely by my Father with my Grandma's help though she lived a few miles away. I didn't date much in HS, I was always the fat girl in a small town, WI school that didn't have a mom around,(a whole nother story.) The couple guys that I did date or just had sex with didn't do anything for me. In fact, I very often told my 2 besties, that were very sexually active, that, I could take it or leave it and it doesn't do anything for me. Of course they were stunned and thought I was crazy.
I then met my husband in 1999 through mutual friends. It wasn't love at first sight, but he was the kindest, big hearted man I've ever met, and he treated me like gold! My biggest dreams in life were to be married and to be a Mama. We married in Oct 2001. After years of trying and miscarriages and disheartening news from Dr's, we finally had our 1st son and then a couple years later had our 2nd son. We lived a very normal life, but there always seemed to be something missing. Our love life was pretty much non existent and what sex we did have was out wifey obligations and I had to force myself to go through the motions. I remember lying there thinking, "this is so fucking boring, I can write a book on exactly what hell do next"! I would do fantasy talk about having my best friend be in our bed just cause the thought of her naked beside me was the only thing that could get me half way in the mood. I would talk of him watching me slide my tongue into her *** little ***** and finger her till she comes. But even after all that, I was turned on, but never once have I orgasmed with any man! I thought I was broken.😪
So fast forward to 2014. I had lost a lot of weight and was feeling very good about myself. I was gaining self confidence and had been thinking more and more about having sex with a woman. I would watch lesbian porn while fantasizing about how wonderful they must feel and taste. I couldn't take it no more and had to see if this is what has been missing all my life. I came out in a very uncanny way 😅. I was home on my 30 minute lunch break from the bank and I said to him, "so, I've been thinking I want to experiment with a woman"! I then literally got up and said, "I have to get back to work" and I got up and left!! 😂 Not the approach I recommend!!
I got home and he finally asked about the elephant in the room. I explained to him my feelings and after a long conversation and agreements, he gave me his blessing as he knew it was important to me to know. Wasn't long before I found Craigslist (Women for Women) cause telling another mom on the playground that you wanted to play with her probably wasn't the best option, haha!! Anyhoo, I met my catalyst (fell in love), lol, like we all do. As an experienced lesbian, she knew all the right things to say and she said everything I needed to hear. Finally, after lots of mind games and bullshit, I was able to go to her house. It was very clear that she was going to have sex with me that night and I was so excited and so nervous that I wanted to puke!! I couldn't wait to touch her, but just of all for her to touch me and taste me!!
We ordered in and then the kissing on the couch started and when she grabbed my hand to lead me to get bedroom, I about lost it. The anticipation was crazy! Things heated to quickly. She placed my hand between her legs and feeling her *** ***** made me crumble. I couldn't get enough of her. I remember her putting my fingers to my lips and tasting her and thinking how sweet and salty abs delicious she was. Then she worked her way down and started is gently licking my lips and kissing my thighs. I couldn't wait any longer and I pushed her head into my longing ***** giving her full permission to do with me whatever she wanted.🥵 When she finally brought me to climax, my body shook like it never had before and I didn't want her to stop! She ****** me hard that night without asking for very little in return. I remember thinking, "so this is what it's supposed to feel like"! I knew from that moment on that my life had changed and that my premonitionswere true, that I was for sure gay!!
She was a game player and after awhile, and lots of hurt feelings on my end, I finally figured out, she wasn't a good person and I forced myself to move on. I met some others on CL, many married women in the same situation. Most were just casual sex meetups as none of us were looking for actual relationships. Let me tell you, it's not hard finding married women who are very open to sex with another woman!! Then I met Shelly, my 1st real GF! Yes, I was married wth 2 small boys as was she! We are inseparable and because our boys were the same age, it made it easy. Her husband worked out of state for months on end, so it was very easy to carry on a relationship and I stayed at her home often. We dated and were besties for a year before my jealousy and immature ways got the best of us. She was the 1st woman I truly loved and I feel I will always have love for her.
In 2017 after being in a very short, but scary relationship with a true narcissist (that's a whole nother insanely crazy story 😵💫), I met my now GF Melissa. I met her on CL also and we were both literally just looking for a hookup as I had vowed to never be in a relationship with a woman again after the last crazy one. Well, after a few very cold, WI winter **** dates in her RV in Lowes parking lot (truth🥶) and sex in her car way too many times, feelings started happening.
We continued to date and my husband knew all about her and any other woman I was, but never was involved in anyway (eeewwww). I feel communication is key to making these things work. She became a very important part of my life and still is today. She actually lived with my family for a year and she was just another adult in our family. She helped with chores and bills and had her own living space in the basement where we shared a bed. My kids knew and we explained to them in very much kid terms who she was. We never nor do we now, show any PDA's in front of my husband or kids.
Yes, I'm still married and she's still my gf. We now live in a different state, but in different houses only 15 minutes apart. She comes for dinner, we go there. She's does family vacations and is there if I need someone to drop off or pick up my kids from school or events. Her and my hubs are very good friends. My hubs and I have been very platonic for 7 years now and he's ok. I stay with her most wknds, but she's mostly with us to do family outings. She's part of our family. For now, it works for us. Who knows what the future will hold. I always say is people were more open to different situations, the world would be happier and there would be less divorce. It's not for everyone, but we make it work. It's not all been wine and roses, but we got through the tough times together. I feel blessed that not only do I have 1 person that loves me and would do anything for me, I have 2! 🥰 Thanks for reading and I hope my story helps you see that different isn't always a bad thing!
Thanks for sharing - such a cool and inspirational story of what is possible if we are open to new possibilities and willing to put in the communication (and organising) to make things work. I find myself in a bit of a similar situation atm and feel like the more I am accepting what is (not fighting/stressing) - the clearer things are.
Soooo interesting and cool.I think we think in binary terms and can't wrap our brains around the fact that there could be another way that works.
I think this story is great! Who cares what the popular vote says, if it works for you and your family, awesome. I think polyamory is the next logical step for societal acceptance. In my humble opinion, more helpful and caring adults in a family, is better.
I love this. Thanks for sharing. I’ve been thinking that my journey may not be the “leave my husband when I **** out” story, at least not right away. I’m wondering if this is how I may find my own story - being open to different ways, no matter what it looks like.