I am definitely NOT an expert, but we went to a family therapist before telling the kids and this was her advice and it seemed to work for us. 1. First, have a script of sorts...even if just in your mind. Talking points. So Chris (husband) and I had a plan for the general messaging. Things we wanted to convey about how this change would look for them.
2. We are the first and always family (may not be true for everyone, but for us, this was and is true. We are still a family. We have added to the pack, but we are the first family and we will continue to parent and love eachother and them. That has come with some stressors we didn't anticipate when it was just us, but we have stayed true to this mission.
3. Have a plan for where they will be living or if you are nesting. Whatever that plan is. For us, the kids would stay in the house and chris and I would take turns staying there with them. We still did dinners a lot, etc. But the therapist said...dont go into the conversation till you generally know. They will create stories and be scared without a plan. They were looking to us for that structure and thought out plan...and we were ready.
4. Have a plan for after the conversation to go do something fun together. The optics of that is important so that they see...it feels normal.
Again, not an expert and maybe this wouldn't be best for all, but for us...this worked! Its been a while since that dreaded conversation and now our oldest is in college. She thanked us over Christmas break for always keeping our family whole and it made me emotional. I looked at Chris and we both felt the same thing...so grateful that we didn't abandon each other in the divorce. We need each other now more than ever with kids getting bigger.
THANK YOU!
This is wonderful and very clear. Thank you. I'm still in the messy middle and we have two kiddos (6&8) who we will need to talk to eventually. You sharing your experience is incredibly helpful. Thank you and I wish you and your family, the newcomers and the OG members, every happiness.